You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
