Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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