Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
