right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
