You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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