I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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