his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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