woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
