just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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