She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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