Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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