I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
