Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
