I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
