I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
