I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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