If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
