My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
