why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
