one two three fourrrrnication!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
