when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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