theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
