I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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