Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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