I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
