recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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