but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
