Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
