her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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