I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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