I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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