Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
