Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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