when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
