I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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