Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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