she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
