Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
