I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
