i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
