And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
