you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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