my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
