Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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