So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
