i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
