My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
