I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
