he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
