how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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